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A good death is its own reward.

A good death is its own reward.

Postby FellRanger84 » Sun Oct 18, 2020 8:17 pm

The good thing about dying from climbing hills is your loved ones won't know it's a suicide. Because leaping from 700ft or dying from exposure is indistinguishable from death by mis-adventure.
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Re: A good death is its own reward.

Postby yokehead » Sun Oct 18, 2020 8:46 pm

You are correct, maybe.

What if one's loved ones are aware that one has been struggling, and end up wondering if it could have been suicide under those circumstances?

And what if the attempt is not successful?

Most importantly, are you referring to yourself in these thoughts? There are folk you can talk to, here or elsewhere.

All the best
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Re: A good death is its own reward.

Postby FellRanger84 » Sun Oct 18, 2020 10:37 pm

I feel like, if you have nothing to live for. Then it's best you find something to die for.
And I can find nothing better than losing my life doing something I was born to do.
So of you are afraid of death but it comes for you, persuing your dream of climbing mountains then it's not a failure, but a glorious death. A death worthy of your life. And quite frankly a merciful death at that (do you really want to live forever?!)

I only wish there was a hill or a mountain than could give me a such a wonderful death without the need of a suicide. So far I've not found it. But I will endure, and keep trying to find that wonderful death.
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Re: A good death is its own reward.

Postby Coop » Mon Oct 19, 2020 8:54 am

I think you need to speak to someone about any issues you may be having
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Re: A good death is its own reward.

Postby Paul Webster » Mon Oct 19, 2020 9:42 am

I'm so sorry to hear how you feel. Obviously I don't know your circumstances, but if you love the hills, and can still get to them, then I think you still have something to live for.

I think it would be good to talk this through with someone. If in Scotland, you could get in touch with Breathing Space at:
https://breathingspace.scot/ 0800 83 85 87 (after 6pm)
Or alternatively the Samaritans on: 116 123

If you don't want to phone, Mikeysline in Inverness can be contacted using a variety of methods:
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Re: A good death is its own reward.

Postby mynthdd2 » Mon Oct 19, 2020 8:28 pm

The hills and remote places are where we go to be at peace by seeing, hearing and engaging with Nature - remember this when sitting on a hillside - it brings us back to life

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Re: A good death is its own reward.

Postby Border Reiver » Mon Oct 19, 2020 11:01 pm

As someone who has suffered from a period of depression in the past, those thoughts are familiar to me, but there is a way forward through the black cloud and it's finding someone who listens without judging. Prescribed medication also works, your doctor can organise both. . It took a year to complete recovery, which seems like it's not happening, but it is, slowly and surely. My own recovery included many days of wandering in the hills by myself, experiencing the wonders of nature and getting an inner peace. It's all long since gone and life has been wonderful for many years now and the hills are a big and important part of living.
The other thing to consider is the effect a death in the hills will have on others. There's the family and friends of the deceased who will be devastated maybe for years to come, maybe blaming themselves. The rescue teams have to deal with recovery and then go home to their own families, who may also be affected by their loved one's experience. The same applies to the police who have to break the news to loved ones, they too have to deal with it. One tragedy can leave behind a trail of hurt and sorrow that can affect the lives of more people than we can imagine.
Do consider seeing a doctor, they have access to more resources than you might think, and there's other options indicated by other posters.
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Re: A good death is its own reward.

Postby Sgurr » Mon Oct 19, 2020 11:21 pm

I knew well someone who chose to remove himself from this world. I don't know if he would have done it had he known the enormous sense of loss in everyone who knew him. There are probably more people that care about you than you realise and certainly more sources of help.
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Re: A good death is its own reward.

Postby KeithS » Tue Oct 20, 2020 1:49 pm


My name is Keith. I have, during the course of my career, a certain amount of experience of people with thoughts of harming themselves.

I don't know you or your circumstances or the reasons for you having such thoughts, and nor does anyone else on this site. I don't know how deep your thoughts go, whether they are just casual feelings or if you are seriously planning something drastic.

The very fact that you have put this post on the site indicates that you are giving the whole topic some consideration. It is also very positive that you have put the post on this open forum where, as you will already have seen from the responses so far, that people do care, even those who do not know you.

I guess that you do wish to talk matters through and I would endorse Paul's advice and encourage you to seek people who can help you better than any of us could.

I have personally prevented two people from committing suicide (and indirectly been involved in a number of other instances) and on both occasions have later been contacted by the persons involved to give thanks as, with help, they were able to move their lives to a better place and look back on their dark times having passed through them. That was incredibly satisfying.

I have also been involved in a number of instances when I, or anyone else, was too late to give the support and help which could have saved them and can, as others here have stated, tell you how traumatic it is to have to deal with the aftermath, whether it be family, friends or professionals.

I wish you well and hope you find the help you need.

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Re: A good death is its own reward.

Postby spiderwebb » Tue Oct 20, 2020 3:01 pm

I can empathise with those feelings in so far as dying doing something you love. Having said that and not knowing your circumstances the concept of having not yet found a suitable hill suggest something deeper. Without wishing to upset anyone here, suggesting there is something to live for, I can fully understand that that sort of comment can feel hurtful in itself, simply because it highlights to you that 'things are not as they should be', even though you may not be able to comprehend them.

There is a thread on this under Mental Health and Hillwalking where myself and many others have shared their experiences.

Such thoughts as your's can leave you being unable to process anything happy or worthwhile, it just doesn't register and this is from personal experience. In better times I have looked back at these events and cannot for the life of me, understand how I could feel that way, to the extent that nothing mattered, not even family....but that is how I felt. The realisation, when looking back would reduce me to tears...a sign I was still on the mend (how can anyone not value family or friends, well I can tell you its easy if you are ill in this way). Being reminded by well meaning folks of what there is to live for, is like reminding you that you're ill, and it hurts. At this point in time, here and now, I can reflect on those dark moments and it doesn't reduce me to tears, a sign of considerable improvement I believe. But these changes over several years, months etc. do leave you fragile, an awareness that it could still be lurking. The 'it' being depression, but the recognition by yourself that it is an illness and one that requires help is the first step, the hardest step. It is an enormous task to face the fact and seek help. If you read the posts under the aforementioned thread on Mental Health, the points when I reached out will be clear and the impact on life at that stage was severe.

To quote from my post in the other thread......
I can relate to loss from suicide, I can understand the feelings of intense pain in the mind, the constant tears, that there is nothing left, no reason to keep going and for that alone it is not a selfish act. It is a permanent solution, but a permanent solution to a temporary problem. A problem that can be helped, the first step is recognising it, to seek help, whether that be medical or situational or both.

I'm still on meds after several years, low dose now, I may not need them, but I feel no shame, and if I think they are still needed, or simply being afraid to cut them off completely, so be it. We all have differing needs, different thoughts and only you will know when and what is needed.

My best wishes to you and if you want to PM me, feel free.
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Re: A good death is its own reward.

Postby AHillTooFar » Tue Oct 20, 2020 5:54 pm

I think you should avoid the 700ft drop


Often it is regretted very quickly, the idea is tempting, the reality not so much. Anything where your body has to decay before being found is probably not ideal for those who know you and those that find you.

I can see where you are coming from of not just waiting for death to come in some boring fashion but dying doing something you wish to do but death comes oft for those who do not wish it so perhaps try not too had to find it yourself before your time is up.
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Re: A good death is its own reward.

Postby MountainTrail » Tue Oct 20, 2020 10:30 pm

Best wishes to the OP , I hope things improve for you

This isn't an easy time for many many people right now
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