Addicted to Recovery (123) Stronend & a Fintry Hills Fiasco.

[UrbanExplorer]

The Problem of Instant Gratification (PIG)

I have always thought that my walking experiences are a perfect analogy for my recovery journey, on what was my 4 month marker I was to be reminded of that quite poignantly.

On this wet morning I had taken the car for a short drive up Carron Valley, with no intention of going walking I had made no plans or preparations, though my boots and most of my other gear were in the boot. As I drove by Todholes car park I looked to my right and caught a sun-kissed view of the Fintry Hills.
20180217_114611 by IainHamiltonPhotography, on Flickr

The need for a bagging fix took control, unknown to me the Problem of Instant Gratification had overtaken any cognitive reasoning. Maybe it was because I was overjoyed at reaching my 4 month marker or maybe just the sunny day, but I fell back into a mindset that I thought I had removed myself from.

As anybody who has ever had addiction issues will know, we have a deep seated need for instant gratification born through our use and abuse of substances, even although we may remove the substance from our lifestyle the PIG may still exist and rear its ugly head.

I parked the car and started to get myself ready. I didn't have a map, "no problem" I can download one with the OS app. I hadn't checked the weather forecast "acht it's sunny it will be ok" I set off. Taking the wind farm road opposite the car park I headed in to the hills.
20180217_114237 by IainHamiltonPhotography, on Flickr

Following the road a little way I eventually reached a gate where I climbed over and started to head upwards.
20180217_115131 by IainHamiltonPhotography, on Flickr

The skies were blue and the slope was rising gently before me.
20180217_115501 by IainHamiltonPhotography, on Flickr

The views around are starting to open up.
20180217_115508 by IainHamiltonPhotography, on Flickr

Loch Walton to the South West.
20180217_120249 by IainHamiltonPhotography, on Flickr

The wind farm to the North East.
20180217_120647 by IainHamiltonPhotography, on Flickr

The Carron Valley Reservoir behind me.
20180217_121312 by IainHamiltonPhotography, on Flickr

As I walked higher and the glorious colours of the hilltop started to surround me, never did I consider the fiasco that was about to ensue.
20180217_125304 by IainHamiltonPhotography, on Flickr
20180217_125319 by IainHamiltonPhotography, on Flickr

Lulled by the fine weather and the excitement of my fix, I plodded on over the boggy tufted ground. The ground was wet and going was hard, but I was spellbound by the views.
20180217_130421 by IainHamiltonPhotography, on Flickr
20180217_131848 by IainHamiltonPhotography, on Flickr

I found a time swept relic of a bygone year.
20180217_132156 by IainHamiltonPhotography, on Flickr

As I looked over towards the general direction of the summit I didn't even comprehend that the cloud was drifting over.
20180217_133156 by IainHamiltonPhotography, on Flickr

I continue on oblivious as the cloud thickens.
20180217_134243 by IainHamiltonPhotography, on Flickr
20180217_134521 by IainHamiltonPhotography, on Flickr
20180217_134527 by IainHamiltonPhotography, on Flickr

Close to this point I think to myself, "mmm a bit cloudy up here, lets find out where I am on the map" I retrieve my trusty smart phone from my pocket, on bringing up the map I find the app hasn't downloaded the summit, in fact I'm missing everything west of NS634. I hadn't even checked to see if a trig or a cairn marked the summit.

I walk a little left looking to find the crag edge.
20180217_134715 by IainHamiltonPhotography, on Flickr
20180217_134723 by IainHamiltonPhotography, on Flickr

Thinking I know where I am I walk on for 20 minutes or so till I find what I think is the summit, no trig or cairn, I feel so sure that I've reached my goal that I even take a summit shot.

Then taking a quick compass bearing from the section of the map I do have I head back, elated that I got the fix and gratification that I wanted.

The sun eventually starts to break through the cloud as I descend.
20180217_141350 by IainHamiltonPhotography, on Flickr

The view over to the reservoir and the snowy North West face of Meikle Bin returns.
20180217_144448 by IainHamiltonPhotography, on Flickr

Nearing the end the sun lights the ground before me.
20180217_145735 by IainHamiltonPhotography, on Flickr

Till at last I look back and see a now clear view of my latest accomplishment.

Back to the car I quickly head home, eager to download the GPS data and post a new walk report.

Stronend_missed_North_West_from_Todholes_.gpx Open full screen  NB: Walkhighlands is not responsible for the accuracy of gpx files in users posts

Imagine my dismay when I find that I had missed the summit, not just by a pace or 2, but by half mile.

I suddenly started to think about the possible consequences of my actions that day, I was lucky that I wasn't somewhere far more precarious and that I had been able to find my way back to safety.

I had completely forgotten the basic 5 Ds of navigation. I had let my need for gratification take control. I hadn't planned or prepared.

Walking as with addiction has some hidden pitfalls, my Fintry Hills Fiasco will always be part of the learning curve I
stepped onto when I decided to return to the wilds. It was a hard lesson to learn... but I did need to learn it. I was lucky.

Still Living "Just For Today"

[rohan]

I remember that half mile when I was walking the Watershed and approached Sronend from Carletheran...it took forever. I admire your honesty. We sometimes learn more by making mistakes (and surviving them). Mine include going to the wrong hill twice, taking a bearing off the wrong hill on the map because I was too lazy to get out my glasses, going up the wrong glen...

[Alteknacker]

Your experience is one that many contributors to this website will be able to relate to well.

There are many embarrassed confessions of this kind of foolishness on these pages, including my own. The main thing, as you say, is to try to learn from the experiences (something I'm sadly not so good at doing ).

Good to see that you're still highly motivated by the wonder of hills...

[UrbanExplorer]

@rohan
I know that section you mean, I went back the following day and as punishment did Carleatheran first. The slog up past the spout is brutal. I'm in the middle of writing the report.

@Alteknacker
We always learn something from our mistakes... what not not do again