Ikea store walk, Braehead, Glasgow

Summary

Probably the most popular weekend walk in Scotland, the IKEA store route is undertaken by countless couples and families throughout the year. For this reason it is best undertaken midweek. This route takes you past the 9,500 strangely named items, guides you through the labyrinth of the Marketplace and Warehouse and shows you how to dodge the frighteningly cheap hotdogs near the exit. Additional fitness will be gained from assembling the flat pack once home.

Grade

Bog Factor

2.5/5

Rating

Terrain

Excellent underfoot conditions - including carpet; mostly level, with some stairs. Although waymarked with yellow feet on the floor, care is needed with navigation as it is easy to become disorientated.

Getting there

Start

Very large car park, well signed near Braehead shopping centre.

Public Transport

Public transport is available to Braehead shopping centre. The car park would then need to be crossed on foot - this is so large that an extra 1km each way may need to be added to the distance.

Start Grid Ref

NS525667

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Walk Statistics

Distance: 1.25km / 0.75 miles
Time: 2 hours - 1 day
Ascent: 5m (Profile)

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Walk Description

User reports (2)

Stage 1

IKEA Braehead can easily by reached from the M8; use J25A (westbound) or J26 (eastbound) and follow signs to the car park. Once through the large revolving doors, remember to pick up a small pencil, in theory this can be used to note the warehouse location of the items you wish to buy, in reality it will remain in your pocket until it emerges during the next wash cycle. On entering consider leaving any family members who may not be able to keep up the pace in the ball park on the left - a tannoy anouncement will remind you to retrieve them before closing time.

Photo: OiMax

Stage 2

Go up the stairs and bear right to pass through the living room areas. Try not to stray from the wide grey footway. The first area contains plenty of comfortable seating, but the store does request you not to stop on any of the sofas to eat your packed lunch. Turn sharp left, following the waymarkers - the route is well marked throughout by arrows and yellow footprints drawn on the floor.

Stage 3

Turn left to enter the kitchen displays. Statistically proven to be more appealing to females, these mock ups of uncluttered and clean kitchens are where you are most likely to encounter small groups of sulking males waiting patiently and dull-eyed for the return of their women folk. The men tend to perk up as the waymarkers lead on to the left past dining tables, sofa and beds to the office desks, chairs and accessories area. Here alpha males practice their reclining and wheeling skills on a number of bizzarely-named office chairs. Another sharp left leads through to storage, a massive collection of bookcases, shoe holders and other items designed to give your life a short-lived de-cluttered feel as long as you can locate the tools and patience needed to tackle the flat pack assembly.

Stage 4

At this half way point, it is possible to use one of the inconspicuous gaps on the right to short cut to the Marketplace - if unsure of the route follow the increasingly strong smell of Swedish meatballs and the desperate mums looking for the toilets with equally desparate toddlers. If you do become lost, look out for one of the rangers who may help - their can be identified by their yellow uniform. The full walk continues as the waymarkers lead to the children's furniture area. Often seen by toddlers and tired parents alike as an unattended creche, some children have been happily playing house in these themed rooms for days if not months. This is the area where buggy-bottlenecks are most likely to be encountered - picking up a couple of furry green snakes and waving them above your head while shouting will usually ease your passage towards the steps that lead down to the Marketplace.

Stage 5

Here the lighting increases and there are a myriad of distractions from tea lights, to fondue sets and from picture frames and plastic plants. The lack of natural lighting will now be affecting your Shatner's Bassoon, the curiously-named area of the brain that perceives time. This can sometimes lead to walkers taking a very long route through the Marketplace picking up bags of candles and other items with no sense of urgency. Use your bushcraft skills to listen to your body clock (ie. ask yourself if you are getting hungry) to head into the cafe. Once full, continue the route by heading out into the Warehouse.

Stage 6

Here anything that attracted your eye during your walk should in theory be found again in the furthest and highest corner of the Warehouse. Having navigated through over 500,000 square feet some people can find it difficult to remember if they chose a BRA or BUM chair - and these walkers can often be seen slumped on the cane furniture display. Take care to avoid couples with overloaded trolleys and try to find a checkout with the smallest queue - remember to relinquish the giant blue rucksack which is only available for use during this walk. Similar rucksacks - but only in yellow - can be purchased for use outside the store. We're not sure but it seems ok to keep the pencil. The triumph of making it through the checkout is rewarded with a final walk past a selection of Swedish food items native to IKEA and through the danger zone of incredibly cheap hotdogs before emerging blinking back in daylight. Head back across the vast car park to the start.

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